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The Velvet Rage: Overcoming the Pain of Growing Up Gay in a Straight Man's World, Second Edition, by Alan Downs
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Today’s gay man enjoys unprecedented, hard-won social acceptance. Despite this victory, however, serious problems still exist. Substance abuse, depression, suicide, and sex addiction among gay men are at an all-time high, causing many to ask, “Are we really better off?” Drawing on contemporary research, psychologist Alan Downs’s own struggle with shame and anger, and stories from his patients, The Velvet Rage passionately describes the stages of a gay man’s journey out of shame and offers practical and inspired strategies to stop the cycle of avoidance and self-defeating behavior. Updated to reflect the effects of the many recent social, cultural, and political changes, The Velvet Rage is an empowering book that has already changed the public discourse on gay culture and helped shape the identity of an entire generation of gay men.
- Sales Rank: #10923 in Books
- Published on: 2012-06-05
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 8.00" h x 5.00" w x .75" l, .60 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 272 pages
Review
Philadelphia Gay News bestseller, 5/11/12
“A groundbreaking examination of the psychology of homosexuality, why it leads to shame over one’s identity and how to overcome it. This book has remarkable staying power.”
Artvoice, 11/26/15
“The clearest, most succinct delineation of the origins and consequences of internalized homophobia, and how to address them.”
About the Author
Alan Downs, PhD, is a clinical psychologist practicing in Beverly Hills, California. The former CEO of Michael’s House Treatment Center, Downs now maintains a thriving private psychotherapy practice and an intensive outpatient addiction program.
Most helpful customer reviews
59 of 61 people found the following review helpful.
Important but flawed
By MJ
This book, particularly the first third (as other reviewers have noted) and the lengthy second edition add-on (Chapter 14) is a good starting point in understanding the origins and life-long impact of gay shame and how to overcome it. The author's three stage model for how gay men experience/deal with shame (overwhelm, compensation, authenticity) is useful and occasionally eye-opening as are his observations of how shame at each stage can be "foreclosed" on (ignored, buried, etc.) or healthfully resolved. The solid practical advice offered in the aforementioned Chapter 14 ("Skills for Living an Authentic Life), while being tailored to the gay male experience, could be of benefit to a much wider audience.
The main flaw with "The Velvet Rage" -- and it's a stunner -- is that it focuses almost exclusively on only one type of gay man, i.e. the urban, successful, materialistic, attractive, sexually promiscuous, well-traveled, fabulous "powergay". Life examples from the less-than-fabulous, i.e. rural/suburban gay men, unsuccessful or non-materialistic gay men, poor and middle-class gay men, ordinary-looking gay men, gay homebodies, senior gay men, disabled gay men, gay men of color, and many others are almost nowhere to be found, likely because these people appear largely absent from the author's social and professional circles (which he talks about a great deal, almost to the point of bragging at times). Though surely unintentional, this is a terrible oversight for a book that seeks to provide psychological support to a marginalized minority, and I suspect a fair number of gay men reading this book will feel further alienated in some way as a result.
I would still recommend "The Velvet Rage", as it is vitally important for gay men to understand the toxic shame that lies at the core of our personal and collective psychological shadows as well as acquire the psychological tools necessary to make positive changes in our lives. Just don't expect to see your life experiences adequately reflected if you're an average gay Joe.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Thank you!!!
By Antonio
It has been a the answer to so many questions. I have no words to thank you and pray that you will be blessed as you bless us with this map to life.
0 of 0 people found the following review helpful.
Must Read!
By Ben Royer
Everyone should read this to understand what it means to go through the coming out stages of being gay, bisexual, question, etc. etc.
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